don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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