I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I AM VODKA MAN
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
