Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
