we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
