just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
