I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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