I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
