can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
