I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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