i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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