Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize