All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
