jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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