Whod you bang
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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