Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
