Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
