Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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