At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize