Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
