I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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