the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
