i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
