Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
