you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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