I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
