when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just found a bag of teeth...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
