So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We got so high we made milksteak
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
