so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
