I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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