I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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