Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
