why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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