she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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