Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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