Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
In America we eat man semen.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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