loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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