She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
