Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
