pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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