I am in a vortex of obligation.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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