I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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