I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
