There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
