If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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