What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
