We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just want nice things and good sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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