i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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