Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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