What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
