using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
