I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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