he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
