My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
