So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
