Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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