You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
