I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
