The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
