I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
