The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
