careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
