Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
