Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
