If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
