we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize