mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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