you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
