I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
