Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
honey bunches of taint.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
