I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
