Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Come see our sink grown plant.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
