Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
